Aug 18 2009
The Thing about Life
The thing about life is that you must survive.
Life is going to be difficult, and dreadful things will happen.
What you do is move along, get on with it, and be tough.
Not in the sense of being mean to others, but being tough with yourself
and making a deadly effort not to be defeated.
~Katharine Hepburn
This quote is another that I have collected and today it’s the one that stood out to me. I don’t know why.. but it did. Maybe God’s way of encouraging me because I didn’t sleep well and have already needed pain medicine. These days are so discouraging sometimes. I just try to remind myself of and be thankful for the days before that were good or at least descent.
I’m hating being sick today. Not that I enjoy it so much any other day… I just tolerate it most times, but today I’m really resenting it. My daughters need to go pick up their schedules at the high school, which I could do.. but my daughter has apparently already made arrangements with her boyfriends mom to take both her & my stepdaughter without ever having talked to me about going.
Is she trying to save me the trouble? or has she just given up on me? Either way, it bothers me.
I believe that sometimes in life, all you have is your word… given that my health sucks I can’t even give that. I can’t be depended upon and that breaks me heart when it comes to my kids. *sigh*
I need to find a way to pick myself up and dust myself off and get through the day, being upset will only make the pain and fatigue worse. It’s probably a good time to review the serenity prayer too. That always helps me.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows:
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
My children are young…but I feel like I am already teaching them that mommy is going to disappoint them from time to time. I find it really helpful to explain to the…it’s a bad fibro day…when mommy feels better we will go to the park and we will go to the store and we will play in the yard…but right now, and today, mommy needs to stay in her chair(or bed). My kids are great, my husband is great, my family is great. My mother is a fibro fighter too. She is amazing. I can NOT believe her unending amount of love with the unending amount of pain she feels. It breaks my heart when she wants to take my kids but can NOT take them….at least not by herself….when I am really down and out and in too much pain, I go to my mom’s house because together we feel that two halves have to make a whole. I also go there sometimes when she is not feeling well because she has animals she has to tend to…fainting goats, a miniature stud horse, a 50 pound, 5 year old Turkey with one leg shorter than the other, that can’t fly and thinks she is a dog…named butterball. Add a few bante chickens and three bante roosters, a big beautiful red rooster, a few plain jane hens and some different looking ones as well. We have recently added three bunnies…they are so good with my little ones. She takes care of all of those animals and keeps most of them there…not only for her benefit…she said if it weren’t for her animals, she wouldn’t get out of her bed somedays…and does end up in bed a lot of days…but has to go out to take care of them…and does it with love every time.
I told you that story, because I wanted you to know that I did things, just out of the goodness of my heart, to make sure that I knew my mom would have less stress. When I knew she wasn’t feeling well…I just did things for her, and I am sure that is what your daughter is probably doing. I never once gave up on my mom. Not even when she had the fibro diagnosis and I didn’t…although I believe mine just progressed with each trauma to my body until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I am sure your family is doing what they are…for your good…to try to help you to keep as far out of a flare as possible. But I understand your frustrations about letting people down…
Yes…hurting sucks, and YES, the fibro fog is bad…and it makes me feel stupid, but when the fibromonster takes over things I want to do for people and I can’t give them my word…it angers me to the point of tears…which I hate to cry…so that stresses me…adding more pain…and cry more becasue of pain..and more stress because of crying…lol…vicious cycle…kind of like the in too much pain to sleep, not enough sleep causing pain cycle…it’s hard to get out of that rut.
Hang in there lady. I pray my children will remain as good as they are about my fibro as they are right now. My children are my world…as I’m sure yours are too.
If you get a chance you should read my blog
http://fibromommy.today.com